In our last post, we gave you some suggestions about mistakes that parents going through divorce commonly (and unfortunately) make.  Here are a few more things you should stay aware of so that you can protect your children as you go through your divorce.

1. Don’t fall prey to your children’s manipulation. It is very common for children to take sides or for them to get angry at one parent or the other. If a child gets mad at Dad for rules and restrictions, the child will soon get mad at the rules at your house. Children frequently use their parents’ anger to get what they want from their parents. It is common for the children to say bad things about Mom when with Dad and bad things about Dad when with Mom. This fuels the fire between the parents and gives the children control.
2. Be careful what you say. Make sure the children are not within earshot when you are talking to your friends and family about your spouse. Children are smart and they know when you are upset. We can never shield them from all of the pain of a divorce but we can protect them from some of it. They too are coping with their own feelings of anger and loss. Don’t make them deal with yours also.
3. Don’t introduce your children to a new partner until you are really sure that it is serious. They need time to adjust. If this new partner is the cause of the breakup this will surely cause bad feelings. And don’t think the children don’t know.
4. Think twice before having a judge decide your case. When you put the decision about custody of your children in the hands of the court, you are asking a stranger who does not know, much less love, your children to make decisions about their future
5. Consider counseling for your children. Children who are going through a divorce have many feelings– just as you do. Along with the turmoil they experience due to the break up of their family unit, children often feel alienated from their peers and believe they are “different” somehow. It is imperative that children have a “safe” place to explore and talk about their feelings. Consider whether your children would benefit from counseling, either individually or in a group setting such as Kids in the Middle. Counseling can be an invaluable resource to families going through divorce.